Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
