I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
