he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
