just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
