Apparently you make a good broom.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
