Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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