I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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