last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
