I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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