mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
