I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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