OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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