he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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