my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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