just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
