do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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