Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
