I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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