I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
