Can Purell be used as lube?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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