I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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