My first STD was from a foam party
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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