best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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