do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
