you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Can Purell be used as lube?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
