So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
