Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
