Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
