I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
