look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize