I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
