Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
