the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
