Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
