morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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