marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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