I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
