Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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