I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
