Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
