There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
