I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
