I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
