i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
