Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
