You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
