getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
