remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
