If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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