When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
