Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
