i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Randomize
