I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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