thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have post one night stand depression
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