I met the friendliest cop last night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
