i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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