where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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