i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize