Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
