i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
