He passed out mid-signature
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
