The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
