There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
