But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My vagina just clenched in fear
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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