He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
