Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
