my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
