Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
