Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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