i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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