Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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