how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
