Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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