dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
