Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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