I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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