I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
